Am I a monster?
by robsten63
Summary: Bella hates hearing how Edward think he's a monster, and finally all of their emotions and feelings are laid out. Can Bella make Edward see that his not a monster? Can her love for him prove his not? Fluffy one-shot :


My arm subconsciously tightened around Edward's waist, pulling my body closer to his, as my eyes found their way back to the sails assistant. Edward let out a soft chuckle, and pulled me closer to his cold marble chest, whilst placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I'm quite fond of the reaction jealousy causes in you", he whispered softly in my ear, before pressing his lips to a soft spot behind my ear. "It's adorable".

I shot him a glare. "I'm not jealous" I grumbled.

His eyebrows rose mischievously, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I'm not" I insisted.

"Mmmhmm" he hummed against my skin, placing soft butterfly kisses on my neck.

"I'm sorry if I'm feeling a bit edgy, as our every move is being scrutinized by your personal admirer over there. Well not so much _our_ every move, as in _your_ every move. Her eyes have been roaming your body since we came in here. She could at least have the decency of being subtle" I grumbled, glaring over to the sales assistant again.

By now I should be accustomed by the flirtatious women who continuously fight for Edward's attention. Being with Edward, I constantly deal with the Jessica Stanley's of the world. I couldn't blame them to be honest, but it didn't make me any happier about it. Did they not notice the girl, hanging off the side of him? Of course, their eyes barely made it past his body to ever notice me.

This particular sales lady had made a point of gaining Edward's attention from the moment we had entered the store, continuously approaching Edward offering assistance.

Her eyes raked over his body again, licking her lips, before meeting my glare, her eyes naked with raw lust.

I continued to hold her gaze warningly, squeezing Edward's waist, emphasising the fact he was taken. I knew my behaviour was beyond immature; however I could not help but act upon the unrelenting jealousy ripping through my body.

She quickly unlocked her gaze with mine, and turned back to her current customer, flicking her hair in the process. I rolled my eyes at her cliché move, and tapped my foot impatiently, more than ready to leave this store.

I felt Edwards gaze next to me, and looked up to meet his eyes dancing with amusement, and a tad bit of smugness. His mouth formed a crooked smile that made me momentarily wondering why I was so irritated.

"Very adorable" he whispered, grinning as he placed a soft kiss on my temple.

I huffed loudly in response, annoyed and embarrassed by my reaction to her over-flirtatious behaviour.

"Little does she know the true monster I am" Edward whispered grimily in my ear, letting out a low chuckle.

My body stiffened as I pulled away, narrowing my eyes at him.

"What?" He asked confused.

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. I _hated_ when he self-degraded himself like that.

"It's true" he muttered under his breath.

I glared at him again, folding my arms across my chest. He held my gaze, searching my eyes, for an insight to my silent mind.

"Next!" A shrill voice rung; pulling us out of our little bubble.

The sales woman was smiling smugly at me, obviously proud of the current rift she had put between us. Confirming my thinking, Edward grabbed my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine, clarifying her _boldness_, for a better lack of term, hadn't affected us. Her smile immediately faltered, her smugness turning to spite.

After quickly purchasing Edward's CD's, we left the store to go home. With Edward's speedy pace, we had reached the Cullen's home in just over half an hour. The entire ride was spent in silence, the quiet music of Debussy filling the car.

It wasn't that I was angry _at_ Edward perse; I was just annoyed at his constant and illogical self-hatred. I just wished that my love was enough to make him love himself.

The house was empty, everyone still out hunting, so we made our way up to his bedroom. I made my way to his window, gazing across the field, as Edward put on one of his CD's.

Soft notes of the music floated through the air, as Edward's arms wrapped around me from behind, pulling me into his sculptured chest. He placed a soft kiss on the side of my neck, before resting his chin on my shoulder.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Edward grabbed my waist, spinning me to face him. His hand softly caressed my cheek.

"Did I upset you?" he asked softly.

I sighed, leaning my face into his hand, before turning it to place a quick kiss on his palm. I detangled myself from his arms, and made my way to his bed. Climbing to the middle, I turned to face him, sitting Indian style.

"Why don't you want to change me?" I asked softly, meeting his gaze.

His eyebrows furrowed, my thoughts catching him off guard.

"What?" He questioned, confused.

"You tell me you want to save my soul that you don't want to 'damn' me, or whatever. Is that all?"

"Is that all?" He asked incredulously. "Isn't that enough?" I could tell he was starting to get angry. The mere mention of my soul, tenses up his entire body.

"I didn't mean that Edward. It's just... Is that the only reason? There is no other reason you don't want me to be a vampire?"

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Bella, what are you trying to say?"

I let out a deep breath, before meeting his gaze. "Will you still love me? Want me? I won't be the innocent, naive human girl you fell in love with. I'll be a killer. A hunter. Just like you. Can you handle that?"

His face crumpled in pain, wincing. "Bella - " he whispered softly, before I cut him off.

"Will you think of me as a monster?"

Edward ran his through his hair, as he shook his head. He quickly made his way to the bed, sitting in front of me, taking my hands in his. He placed his finger under my chin, pulling my face up to meet his. He brushed his hand across my cheek, tucking a wayward strand behind my ear.

"Never, Bella, never", he spoke softly. "I can't believe you could even _think_ that, let alone question it. Bella, have I not made my feelings clear enough for you? Do I need to remind you how much you mean to me? I could never think anything bad of you, human or not. You will always be my Bella, no matter what happens."

A small smile spread across my lips. I pulled out one of my hands that was held in his, and moved it to his chest. Slowly, my hand trailed up his chest, stopping briefly on the place where his heart would lie. I traced the contour lines of his collarbone, following up the line of his neck, before fisting my hand in his copper strands. Pulling his head towards mine, I inclined my head sideways, closing the gap between our lips. A gasp of relief left my lips, as they finally found home against his. My warm lips moulded themselves against his as he slowly moved his against mine. I fisted his hair more tightly, before moving my other hand from my lap to his hair. Edward grabbed me by the waist, pulling me closer to his, as he lips worked their way down more jaw line and neck. My breaths turned to gasping; before I desperately tugged his lips back up to meet mine. I sucked gently on his lower lip, caressing the back of his neck with one of my hands. His pulled his lips from mine, placing a few chaste kisses, before resting his forehead against mine.

"Why would you not consider me a monster when I change?" I asked softly, my forehead still resting against his.

Edward pulled his head back slightly, holding my gaze. "Why would I?" He asked confused.

"Because you condemn yourself; claiming to be one. So, why wouldn't I?"

"Bella-"

"Do you consider Carlisle one, Edward?" I asked, cutting him off. "Esme? Do you think Esme is a monster Edward?" I questioned softly.

His eyes closed, his head shaking softly. "Of course not".

"Then why, Edward? Why must you constantly hate yourself, convincing yourself you're not worthy or me, or of my love? Why are you a monster, but none of those around you is one?"

"It's different Bella. I've... I've killed people Bella. Do you not understand that? I have taken the life of innocent humans. Taken them away from their family, from their loved ones. What kind of creature does that? What kind of creature literally sucks the life out of a human? A monster Bella" he breathed. "A monster" he whispered, closing his eyes, bowing his head.

My head softly stroked his cheek, as I placed a kiss on this forehead. I needed to make him realise the irony in how he thinks. How illogical it is that he is a monster, yet no-one else is.

"So if I slip up, then I will be a monster too?" My voice came out barely above a whisper.

His head immediately shot up. "No" he said quickly. "No, Bella, of course not. Everyone makes mistakes - slip ups -if you must. You could never be a monster Bella, it just isn't you."

"See there's the irony, Edward. The flaw, the misconception in your thinking. Will you not give yourself the reason of mistake? How is it fair that everyone else gets to 'slip-up' and you don't? If your family - if I – are not monsters, how could you condemn yourself as one?"

His closed his eyes, leaning his head into my hand. I leaned forward, placing butterfly kisses across his cheeks and forehead.

"What monsters experience remorse? What monsters prey only on evil? What monsters love, Edward? I don't believe your monster, nor without a soul, because what creature could love me so endlessly, fiercely, tenaciously, when against their nature? What monster turns away from the only instinct – to kill – and instead loves and cherishes it's 'prey'? In my eyes Edward, you are the most beautiful, kind, intelligent man on this Earth. Do you think that someone like me would be capable of loving a monster?"

I moved my hand under his chin, to pull his head up to meet mine. I continued stroking his cheeks, waiting for him to open his eyes. His eyes opened slightly, as his anguished eyes made contact with mine.

"You have spent the past sixty odd years, filled with remorse, guilt, and the conception that you are nothing but a brutal monster. But evil doesn't regret, Edward. Evil doesn't stop; it continues to take, relentlessly. You need to let go of this image you have created. Believe in me; trust in me Edward, and my image of you. You say I am the most important to you, my opinion is what matters. So why does it not matter now? Why is it not the most important thing now?"

My eyes began filling with tears as I continued.

"Why can't you let my love for you, be enough for the both of us? It kills me more than you can imagine that you feel this way about yourself. It kills me that you can't see yourself for the amazing man I love so deeply. In moments like these I wish that my mind was not silent, that you could see yourself in the aurora and light that I see you. Because maybe, just maybe, you will be finally able to let go, and love yourself the way you deserve."

Tears continued to stream down my face as I closed my eyes, and leant my forehead against his. "I know you Edward. I know you inside and out. Your past, your insecurities, your mistakes. And despite what you think about yourself, I love you. More than anything. You're not a monster Edward" I whispered, my breathe fanning across his face. "You're not a monster."

I met his lips with a sudden urgency, a desperate need to take away his pain. My warm lips synchronized themselves against his cold ones, as I clutched him closely, trying to absorb his pain.

"You're not a monster" I whispered against his lips.

He pulled my body closer to his, moving his lips against mine more fiercely. Every kiss, every stroke of my hand, every touch ignited our bodies, moulding us as one. I soaked up his pain, as he soaked up mine. I embraced his love and devotion, as he embraced mine. His lips left mine, caressing my jaw and neck, covering every patch of bare skin. The passion between us was like a fire, smouldering and simmering, burning a mark in deep in each other's heart. We both pulled away, as I gained my breath. I met his gaze, as we both let out a smile. He pushed me back on the bed, as he hovered over me. Every line of his body pressed against mine, setting my body on fire. His arms ran up my body, across my ribs, I let out a soft giggle.

Edward rose his head, and raised his eyebrows mischievously, a playful smiling taking his lips.

"Edward" I warned.

He slowly lifted his hand, placing it on my waist. Letting his fingers graze my skin, he slowly ran his hand up the side of my body. As is passed my ribs again, I let out another uncontrollable giggle. Edward chuckled in response, and moved his other hand to my ribs on the other side, before tickling me. A loud laughter left my lips, filling the room, as water welled in my eyes.

"Edward" I choked out between fits of laughter. "Stop, please" I begged, laughing.

I shoved him away playfully. He rolled on his back, as I reversed the roles, and climbed on top of him.

"That wasn't very nice Mr." I grinned.

Edward let out another chuckle, pulling down to lie on his chest. I turned my head and placed a kiss on his chest, where frozen heart lays. I climbed up, hovering over him, softly pressing a chaste kiss against his lips.

"I love you", I murmured against his lips.

"I love you too"

I smiled, and lifted myself slightly, ghosting my lips over his. He lifted his head off the pillow, to meet my lips, but I moved back more slightly, away from his.

"Bella" he growled, tangling his hand in my hair, trying to pull my head back toward his.

"Uh-ah" I whispered, grabbing hold of both his hands and pinning them above his head. Playing along, he left his hands there, and allowed me to hold him down.

I moved my head closer to his, tilting my lips until they nearly touched his. Edward's cool breathe flew across mine, causing a shiver of pleasure to run down my spine. He lifted his head slightly, hoping to catch my lips, but I moved back slightly again.

He groaned loudly, his head falling back on the pillow. I let out a soft chuckle, and leaned forward again.

"Say it Edward", my lips ghosting over his.

"I love you?" He replied, questioningly.

"Nope, not that" I grinned, enjoying my torment.

"Bella" Edward whined, trying again to capture my lips.

"That's not what I wanted you to say Mr."

"What then?" he asked desperately.

"Say, I'm not a monster" I smiled down at him. "And mean it".

Edward rolled his eyes, sighing.

I moved my lips down to the base of his throat. Barely grazing his skin, I let my warm breathe fan across his neck. My nose skimmed up his neck, and across his jaw line to his ear. Grazing my lips across his ear, I softly took his earlobe between my lips.

"Say it, Edward" I said softly in his ear.

Moving my lips across, his cheek, I slowly made my way to his lips. His breathing was laboured, his body tense under mine. His eyes were closed, as I barely grazed my tongue against his bottom lip. Edward gasped at the feeling, moving his lips forward, nearly finding mine. As I pulled away, he groaned.

"I'm not a monster" he said quickly, lifting his head again. I laughed at his eagerness, but pulled away again.

"Uh-uh Edward." His eyes met mine, as I continued. "Mean it" I whispered.

The mood suddenly changed, the playful banter gone, as my eyes pleaded with his. His gaze softened, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I'm not a monster" he whispered. Truth and honesty shone in his eyes, as a huge smile formed on my face.

"You're not a monster" I repeated softly, before finally relieving both of us and tenderly placed my lips against his.


End file.
